Recently, I’ve heard many people judging their feelings to be wrong, and by doing so, create an internal dynamic that is unnecessary.
I have heard over a dozen variations of:
- “I should feel happy to be a grandmother, but I don’t. I should want to watch the grandchildren more, but I don’t. I feel like a bad person.”
- “I shouldn’t feel so resentful that my parents are old and need me to help but I do. I’m just not a good daughter. I wish I didn’t have to do things for them.”
- “I should be more supportive of my wife because she lost her job. It’s not her fault yet inside I’m angry. I’m not a supportive husband.
Are you doing something like this? If so, you are dragging yourself down for no good reason.
We grow up hearing that we should feel and think a certain way about certain events and situations and when we don’t, we label ourselves as “bad.” There is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings! Judging how you feel is not the way to move forward in our lives. Let’s lighten up:
Where are you are judging yourself. Are you not getting things done like you think you should? Are you not taking action in the way you think you should? Are you unhappy about something that you think you should be happy about? Bottom line, where do you think you should be feeling differently about a particular situation?
Once you have identified the situation, stop judging how you feel about it! Acknowledge it and know that it’s okay to not be happy about it. It’s okay to not be happy about the new baby because you know it’s going to disrupt your life, it’s okay to feel resentful about having to do things for your parents because there are things you want to do for yourself, it’s okay to be upset because your wife losing her job means you have to work harder and change your lifestyle.
Once you get conscious with the reality that you feel a certain way, find a new perspective to focus on. If you change how you see the situation it may affect how you feel in a more positive way. However, no matter what, remind yourself that there is no right way to “feel” about things going on in your life! If you can really embrace this, it will lighten you up considerably especially if you have been judging yourself in any way.
The “should” voice in your head, and the judgment you have on yourself is not who you are.