Have you noticed that when you feel resentful towards someone, you tend to focus on all the negatives associated with their behavior or actions that don’t match up with your expectation of them? Resentment is a form of internal anger you hold onto when someone doesn’t act in a way that you think they “should.” When we are resentful of someone, we focus on the negatives. When we are infatuated with someone, we focus on the positives and overlook the negatives. Neither viewpoint is healthy.
In the case of resentment, the key to having a balanced perspective is to search for the underlying positives to the situation you are holding resentment for. For example, ask yourself, “How is this person’s behavior helping me? What are they helping me become aware of? Do I need to learn to speak up? Do I need to set more realistic expectations? Do I need to stop giving so much and learn to value my time and energy more?” Ultimately, the person we are resenting is helping us to grow and get clearer – when we can find the positive aspect of it, we can minimize and ultimately “cure” the resentment.