I am so excited to reflect on my first month as a scholarship student at Happiness U. The way this all came together feels divinely timed and guided, and as Alice recently reminded us in her 2019 Astrology Forecast talk, synchronicities are an indication that you are on the right path.
The story of how this all is unfolding – from hearing about the program, to applying, to being accepted, to the subject matter of the courses that I have been able to attend this month – has had a certain energy and momentum around it that feels completely in universal flow.
Life has shown me that when something is meant for you and you are in alignment to a thing (whether it be a job, a relationship, a material object of desire, etc.), it will come into your life quickly and easily. There is no struggle or obstruction, just an ease and flow. I’ve attended three Happiness U events this month, all in a span of little over a week. I am loving this learning.
When I showed up to the What’s Your Attachment Style class, I remember sitting there before class started and just appreciating the fact that this space existed – a place for learning and growing through self-examination and self-inquiry. My heart felt happy and my soul at ease. This is the stuff that I feel so at home in. I felt excited to learn, discover and share among a community of like-minded individuals. There was an unspoken sense of psychological safety, which I attribute to Alice’s ability to speak openly and honestly about herself. By showing up with vulnerability and authenticity, it gave me “permission” to also do so. I surprisingly learned that my attachment style is “Secure” though I initially self-identified with the “Avoidant” style. It was awakening in that I saw how my own self-perception was skewed. Knowing that I possessed more secured attachment than previously thought, I feel confident in my ability to address and mitigate avoidant tendencies that may show up in my relationships.
I also attended Danny Kim’s Living Intentionally talk. I identified with Danny’s life path being filled with twists and turns, successes and failures, and ultimately the recognition that all the external accoutrements could not fill a deficit of truth, spirit and authentic unwavering self-acceptance. I used to feel envious of those whose lives seemed to just work in a straight line – the ones who stayed in jobs for 20 years or got married and had kids and mortgages at the “appropriate” ages. Those “normal” things always seemed to elude me. In fact, for a while, it seemed like my life was one big plot twist after another. Yet, looking back, at no point could I identify a moment where I would have made a different choice. I am so grateful for the colorful adventure of my life thus far. I am so grateful for going through those twists and turns, falling down and getting up, over and over again. Those are the things that filled my cup.
This past weekend’s encore presentation of the 2019 Astrological Forecast provided just the perspective and messages that I needed to hear. 2018 was a challenging year for me with some major events – new job, not one but TWO heartbreaks and a severe pre-cancer diagnosis to end the year with a bang. (It was precisely during this time that I heard about Happiness U and I felt that in my bones this was a sign that things were going to change – in a really good-self-love-self-care way!). In fact, I felt exhausted and downtrodden entering into 2019, as if the residual energy of 2018 was still lingering. But it made complete sense – especially in learning the numerological relevance of the years. 2017 was a 1 year – a year of initiation. It was the year I moved to Hawaii and started a build a life here, new apartment, new friends, new relationship. 2018 was a 2 year – a year of change and polarity – very much evident in my emotional heart space with the starting and ending of intimate relationships. And now, 2019 – a 3 year – a year of movement and reorientation/straightening with forward momentum, rooted in a lot of stability and responsible risk taking (I’m a Virgo and this is music to my ears!). I already feel this happening with my internal outlook on life shifting into a place of empowerment. Alice touched on a key point – that we are choosing everything in our life. There is no “can’t.” There is just us choosing to be/do or not be/do something – but it is a choice. Recognizing that and assuming responsibility for our own life is empowering. The story of Chiron pulling the arrow out of his side so that he can move forward is a powerful archetype. I certainly have an inner dialogue that at times just seems to be running the same limiting story in the background of my life.
Being reminded that I am truly my own master inspires me to live more intentionally (full circle with Danny Kim!) and to make choices that create the life that I want. It actually doesn’t just inspire me – it makes me fearless in knowing that no matter what is happening, I can choose another choice. There is no wrong choice when it is made authentically and wholeheartedly!
April came and went with a lot of activities. I was gone for the first half on a business trip and upon my return, one of my best friends, Waylon, was visiting from Vancouver. I also picked up my new (used) car on my way back from the airport and spent a week of excitement taking care of the registration and inspections.
Travel always puts me in a state of surrender. I surrender to the plane and the pilots. I surrender to the itinerary that was planned. I surrender to the new people/energy entered into my experience. I surrender. It was nice to be able to share Happiness U with Waylon – he is one of my closest friends and though we have known each other only 3 years, mostly long distance – it’s been one of the most inspiring and profound friendships that I have had in my adult life. It is a true testament to the fact that it’s not about the length of time but rather the depth of your interactions. It is also really refreshing to have such a close and intimate relationship with a man that is not at all sexual. He is like family to me and we have such clear, mutual boundaries in our relationship. People often think/comment otherwise but to me, it’s a model of what a healthy and mature adult relationship is and can be. I am grateful for this friendship with this kindred soul. His support has been unwavering.
The life-planning workshop has really stuck with me and I am making a concerted effort in carving out space and time to put towards the things I value most. This is where intentionality comes in and making conscious decisions that support and serve my values. I continue to confront all the ways I have been a creator and chooser in the experiences and life I am living. This can be a tough pill to swallow when life goes sideways because it’s easier to externalize or place blame on another. I am proud of the person that is emerging though and am adamant about continuing this path, no matter where that leads me.